Sunday, September 7, 2008

Quick Tales - Journal

As I look at the boxes surrounding me I feel a tug of nostalgia. I remember all the years gone by in this beautiful house. This was the house I grew up in; the house I have lived in all my life. The house I now have to give up because I’m now someone’s wife. It feels unfair but I know it’s time to move on.

That’s when it catches my eye, the dusty shoe box under the bed that hasn’t been opened in years. I reach for it and sneeze as a billow of dust rushes up to greet me. My secret treasure chest, hidden away, forgotten since my teenage years. Inside it there are a few faded photographs of friends, now far away, and some trinkets which were exchanged with vows to never forget each other, and my old journal. I had forgotten all about it. I hadn’t written a journal in years. I know I shouldn’t waste time going through its yellowing pages but I can’t resist reading about the person I was a long time ago.

September 23rd, 1994

Today is my birthday. I turn 14 today. Ma let me wear my new watch to school. I just love it! After school I went for a movie with my friends and then we all came home for a small party. I’m so happy! I love my mom! And dad too of course :)

I smile and turn the pages, reading on.

December 10th, 1994

I don’t know what to do. This boy in my class asked me to go for a movie but I said no. I’m too scared to say yes. Maybe I will ask Sheetal to come along with someone she likes so we can go as a group. I hope that will be ok. I wonder why he was so insistent on going for a movie. It isn’t even a really good movie but he really wants to see it. Boys can be so weird …

I can’t help but laugh at my naïveté. I remember the double date that followed and how “the boy” was quite upset that things didn’t go as planned. I skip a few more pages and read on.

July 20th, 1995

I cannot cry. I want to but I feel nothing. I came back from school today and Rashmi Masi was here crying her eyes out. Mom and Dad are in the hospital. There was a car accident when they were leaving for work this morning and now Masi says they’re never coming back. How is that possible? I don’t know what is happening.

I close the journal and put it away. I know there is nothing more to read. The years that followed are still too painful for me. Living alone on a trust fund with a court appointed guardian for the last thirteen years made it all too real. I stopped writing because there was nothing to write about. I look around and start packing again.

It’s finally time to move on.